A man named Shotgun Rick Pelletgun Kraus just lost the annual Cherry Pit Spitting contest for the first time in years. But, ladies, the good news is that he’s single!

A man tried to break into the Subway cash register, but couldn’t figure out how to open it. Unable to get the cash, he threw a stack of drink cups and stole nine bags of potato chips, which he ate while making his getaway. Too bad the cops followed his crumby trail and picked him up down the road!