Former Two And A Half Men star and tiger-blooded ‘warlock,’ Charlie Sheen was the guest of honor for the anticipated Comedy Central Roast on Monday. Roastmaster Seth MacFarlane led the ceremonies which included stars like William Shatner, Mike Tyson and Kate Walsh all taking jabs at Sheen.
Nothing was off limits during the roast and honorary roasters like comedians Jeffery Ross, Jon Lovitz, Anthony Jeselnik and more took their best shots at Charlie (and each other). Check out ten of the funniest (and some of the cleaner) jokes from the roast!
10. “On ‘Two and a Half Men’ tonight, they’re apparently having a funeral for Charlie’s character. But there’s no need to switch over. In a few months, you can probably see the real thing.” — Roastmaster and Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane
9. “I’m 80, you’re 46… how come we look like we went to high school together?” — William Shatner
8. “I read somewhere that Charlie made a prostitute cry. But I don’t believe that’s true, Charlie. I saw the scene where you got arrested in ‘Wall Street.’ You can’t even make yourself cry.” — Seth MacFarlane
7. “William Shatner… I’ve seen less bloated men fished out of rivers.” — Comedian Amy Schumer
6.”It’s amazing that after all that damage you’ve done to your kidneys and liver, the only things you’ve had removed are your kids.” — Private Practice star Kate Walsh
5. “Mike Tyson has beaten every opponent he’s ever faced — except the letter S.” — Seth MacFarlane
4. “Charlie, you’re the black sheep of a family that produced three ‘Mighty Ducks’ movies.” — comedian Jeffrey Ross
3. “Jeffrey Ross… usually when I see a face that grotesque, it’s after a fight. His performance was so bad, I wish I had bitten my own ears off.” — Mike Tyson
2. “His nostrils are so snotty and filled with coke, they could be called the Hilton sisters.” — comedian Jeffrey Ross
1. “Charlie, the only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox.” — Comedian Anthony Jeselnik