Don’t Be A Perfect Mom! Be a Great One!
Are you feeling stressed out and overloaded from being a “super-hero” mom? Psychologist Ann L. Dunnewold, author of a Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box, asks a provocative question: “Do you really need to be?” Next time you feel down on yourself because you can’t be the perfect mom, ask yourself these equally important and soul-searching questions.
What really matters for your family?
No matter what your beliefs are most of us can agree with the old Buddhist adage that the best path for happiness is the path of least resistance. Zen Buddhist priest and mother, Karen Maezen Miller, recommends redefining your role as super mom and giving up the idea that you have to be everything to everyone: “Ask members of your family to choose the things you do that matter most to them. Make those your priorities, and let go of the rest. You might be surprised at the answers you get.”
Are you afraid of making mistakes?
What’s wrong with being imperfect? Is is really that bad to make a mistake or two? Try making minor mistakes on purpose and see what happens. Don’t make the bed. Leave a couple of dishes in the sink. Be a couple days late on a bill. Give yourself a little slack and you’ll see that it’s not the disaster you fear.
Do you reaffirm your beliefs and desires?
Using a mantra helps tremendously. Repeat kind, compassionate words to yourself in your head or write it down on a card. Dunnewold suggests, “I’m a mommy, not a martyr; I’m only human, I make mistakes; Control what I can, let go of the rest. “
Are you as nice to yourself as you are to others?
Karen Miller explains: “The less time we spend obsessing over our parenting skills, the happier we’ll all be.“Do something nice for yourself. Not in the name of self-improvement, but in the name of self-care. In your absence, your family will be eager to show you how responsible they are for their own well-being.”
Do you acknowledge your daily accomplishments?
We bet you are good at making “To-D0” lists. But have you ever considered making a “Did-Do” List? What we mean by “Did-Do” is stuff like kissing wounds, being the funniest carpool mom ever, letting your child feel independent by shopping for his own dinner. These things might not be pressing responsibilities but they are things your family will remember forever.
Are you filled with guilt or joy?
Don’t feel guilty because you can’t keep up with all your friends from junior high on Facebook. Life your life now and don’t feel bad for doing you need to do in the present to make yourself happy. Miller says: “The greatest joy in life comes from serving others. Find the joy in doing those things that are truly life nourishing and creative, like cooking and eating together, making art or music together, and being outside in nature together.”
Do you think long-term and big picture?
It may sound trite but it’s true: don’t sweat the small stuff. Look at the big picture. Imagine your child when they are 25 years old, starting an amazing career and following their hearts. What kind of mother are they going to remember? The strict one who demanded the eat all the peas or the fun-loving mother with the heart of gold?
- Let us know! How are you the best mom ever?
[Source: Yahoo! Shine]