As mothers we are often expected to live our lives around our children and forego our womanhood. This is just one of many misconceptions that Yahoo! Shine contributor HybridMom would like to squash. This time around she talks about the annual tragicomedy that is “back-to-school.” We’ve summed up some of her most hilarious anecdotes for you!
Misconception Number 1: Moms miss their kids.
Yahoo! Shine writer Hybrid Mom makes a plea for moms everywhere who obviously love their kids but don’t have to see them their “face twenty-four seven for the last 77 days.” She says hilariously, “There is a Christmas morning for parents and it’s called “back to school”.
Misconception Number 2: Moms like to go school shopping.
While we remember as kids loving back-to-school shopping, our mothers would get totally stressed out. HybridMom quips, “And how many subject books can you possibly need? What happened to reading, writing and arithmetic. If they added a couple of things for parents to that list I wouldn’t mind so much….why not pencils, erasers and vodka …..or some Nyquil.”
Misconception Number 3: Moms like back-to-school night.
Back-to-school night is like some awkward first date that never amounts to anything; a lot of information gets exchanged about stuff Mom is not qualified to worry about. Need to brush up on 5th grade history? HybridMom jokes that teachers are just going to “assign some project on wigwams made by some Indian tribe I’ve never heard of, so I need to get home and start my research. So, I got it. We’re all here for the betterment of the kids. Blah Blah Blah. Can I leave now?”
Misconception Number 4: Moms like school paperwork.
“How many trees are you planning on killing to tell me the same stuff I had to pay a babysitter to listen to the other night? You know our name, where we live and our emergency phone numbers.” And according to HybridMom, that’s all you need to know. It’s not a psychological examination, its elementary school and if stuff like parental discord “qualifies as a reason he can’t get his homework done on time then he won’t be able to function as an adult and have a real job so you may want to “educate” him on that life lesson.”
Misconception Number 5: Moms like covering books.
Confession: our moms hated this so much, they didn’t even try to live up to this misconception. They paid an older kid in school to do it for us. HybridMom agrees that sticky paper is, well, sticky territory! “What exactly will you be doing with these books that I have to cover them in a plastic laminate? Do you often teach in the rain? Or while the children are drinking soda and eating soup?”
Misconception Number 6: Moms like helping with homework.
How many times have you gotten a mini-panic attack trying to teach your kid how to combine fractions or diagram a sentence? HybridMom has a ridiculously funny take on this: “I don’t really know my 12 times tables, I read the cliff notes to all your summer reading and I don’t know how to conjugate anything but I do know that song “conjuction junction what’s your function” if that helps at all.”
Misconception Number 7: Moms can’t wait to pack your lunch every day.
You can usually taste how much a mom hates making your lunch by the quality of the lunch itself. For the record, our mom made us make our lunch ourselves! Maybe our mom had the same thoughts as HybridMom: “Making dinner every night is the bain of my existence, so making your lunch every day for an entire year, in terms of “mom fun”, lies somewhere between brushing plaque off the dogs teeth and scheduling my annual pap smear.
Misconception Number 8: Moms love after school activities.
You mean you don’t like playing chauffeur to your kid? Neither does HybridMom. She’d prefer if “after-school activities” would coincide with date night. “Why not do it on the weekends and call it “after-hours activities” so mommy and daddy could actually go out one night and pretend that we have a life of our own. Don’t worry about us though I’m sure that me and “what’s his name” will be married a very long time.
Misconception Number 9: Moms don’t mind taking you to school.
Waiting for the school bus early in the morning with Pop-Tart in hand was the bane of every child’s existence but forgetting to get on the school bus elicits rage and/or nudity from HybridMom. “Get it together! I don’t like running down the street in my jammies at 7:12 screaming “Please wait” or “If you stop I’ll show you my boobies.”
Misconception Number 10: Moms cry on your first day of school.
HybridMom says it best: “We do cry but they are tears of joy. I have done my job. I have successfully kept a human child alive for at least 5 years without doing any major damage. Motherhood is the hardest job in the world!!”
Source: Yahoo! Shine]